Wednesday, February 6, 2013
For some reason I found this whole energy drink a bit annoying - from the hipster packaging to the chemical taste and the mediocre buzz. I got pretty excited when I saw there was a new coffee energy drink in my local convenience store, even at the very expensive price tag when compared to the other coffee drinks they had. As functional coffee drinks go this one just failed to excite. I appreciate the basic idea of a functional coffee drink, but this execution is way too cute, and not nearly special enough to get excited over.
Extra annoying is the extra paragraph on the side, written by a guy named Kurt (It starts off by stating Hi. I'm Kurt. the guy guy who writes the packaging text"). Kurt manages to talk about all the things that are cool with this drink, like how he needs the money from writing this paragraph and admonishing you if you stole it. It is just sooo twee I feel like it should come with it's own special hipster hat.
The bottle itself is nice enough - made with glass and wrapped nicely enough, but it is full of useless info - informing the drinker what guarana is - complete with a drawing some something that I think it supposed to be a guarana seed, or maybe it is a feaf - or maybe a guarana spider web - it is pretty hard to tell. . There is also a big orange sticker on here, letting you know that this is "Made with Natural Ingredients". Note that it is not saying it is all natural, but that there are some natural things in here - it is not ALL chemical. But we will get to the preservative list later.
I was hoping for some incredible cappuccino taste from this - after all Kurt told me that is has an "authentic Italian Cappuccino Taste"and a Hint of Cinnamon and will tickle my taste buds. Unfortunately, I got no tickle-y. Instead I got the flavor of packaged coffee - and not terribly good coffee at that.
When you make a coffee drink, the best thing you can do is either make it out of insanely good coffee, or disguise the fact that you use Coffee Extract and Reduced fat milk in so much sugar and flavor that you forget you are drinking ass-y coffee. This coffee uses coffee extract and not a really good one at that. These are not in any way special beans, and give off no real flavor other than a general packaged coffee flavor. There is enough cane sugar and carageenan that it has a decent thick sweetness, but not nearly enough to disguise the quality of the coffee. RealBeanz is not bad, but it is not something you are going to be overjoyed about.
I do like the caffeine in here - although I would like it better if I had a clue how much caffeine they have in here. Not only is there caffeine from coffee in here, but then they up the ante with extra Lab Made Caffeine, guarana and yerba mate - all of which have extra caffeine in them. For all I know this has 250-300mg of caffeine in the bottle, and it definitely felt that way after slamming the bottle. They also add Ginseng, Vitamin B complex and Panthothenic acid, all of which are very common energy drink ingredients. The sugar is strong enough in here for a good sugar rush early too - and the strong rush lasted for a good three hours before I felt the sugar crash come on. I know that Kurt mentioned I should not a crash, but I felt one regardless.
Now don't be fooled that just because this contains natural ingredients that this is natural. Last time I was in the grocery store, I don't remember seeing much Pyridoxine Hydrochloride in my spice aisle. and wouldn't you know that my cupboards were dry of Sodium Phosphates too. There are enough preservatives in here to preserve you for a good long time. I am sure the milk was natural enough, but just because it looks pretty and hipster and is coffee related, the 140 calories of goop in here is not what anyone would call healthy.
While I like the idea of functional coffee drinks, I would definitely try this one again. This time, however, try making it out of actual coffee next time - and then you dont need to add all the chemical goop to keep it on the shelves too. And losing the Hipster would be a nice change while you are at it.
Labels: coffee energy drinks