Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Recon Coffee Energy Cola

We Americans love our coffee. That can be a problem for other activities we like so much, like Huntin', killin' stuff and wearing lots of desert camo. That's a problem, as those activities don't go well with coffee - it tends to slosh out of the cup while reloading the rifle.

Energy drinks are better - as they come in cans that are a bit more portable - but then unless you pick right, you aren't drinking coffee, but some mamby pamby crap from Austria. Didn't we kick Austria's ass a couple decades ago? Now we are buying their products in hope that we will have wings?? Un-American! That is why we now have Recon Coffee Energy Cola - , blend of vanilla, coffee and cola, combined with caffeine and essential vitamins, all made here in the USA.

This reminds me a whole lot of Coca Cola's attempt at a coffee cola - Blak. Of course, Blak was made with sugar, or high fructose corn syrup depending on where you lived. Also, Blak sucked.  Blak was nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit.- this drink is much better.

It does look the same though. Black. As my Soul. and as fizzy as my soul too. It also has some chemical aftertaste owing to the non-calorie sweetener. Vanilla Coke reminds us of our golden years of WWII, with soda Jerks and fountain drinks. And, coffee is supposed to be a little bitter. Ever try to keep Cream fresh in the middle of an offensive? If you can't take a little bitter aftertaste in your coffee, you might as well go cry in your damn hippie commie six dollar extra-soy Mocha Frappucino Italian crap.

The only suggestion is that the can have the caffeine printed on it. If I am going into battle with the enemy, I want to know just how Jacked Up I am going to be.  It is, however, printed with info on  Operation Homefront. It seems that Recon is approved by the United States Department of Defense, and donates a portion of all proceeds to Operation Homefront to aid in their support of our service people and their families.

Operation Homefront provides emergency assistance and morale to our troops, to the families they leave behind, and to wounded warriors when they return home.

In wartime - this is how you need your drinks to look. Proud, American logos on it, shiny Fightin' stencils and in Camo, so the energy drink becomes invisible. This drink used to be even more camo - but then it looked like something your grandma might take squirrel hunting. Now this can means business! Fighting evil in the jungles and the desert business! It is even all distressed and grunged up, so it starts off looking like it has some wear on it. After all, going in to fight and ending up pressed and ironed is like going into a football game and coming out gleaming white and full of shame. War is dirty. Your energy drink should be too.

And the answer is not that Jacked.  I mean, there is a decent 115mg ( I called the company to find out). Recon  is not going to get you hot and crazy with these 12 ounces, but then it does not add all those hippy earth muffin-y ingredients neither; no guarana, no ginko, no glucurolactone or aminos.  This has got caffeine - like coffee.  Its got all of your vitamin C, all your Vitamin B, and as their can says, No calories, no carb, no fat.  After all, when the enemy comes kicking in your door, how are you going to be of service to your cause if you are too fat to get off the couch?

No comments:

Post a Comment