Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Four Loko Lemonade

Four Loko should have been really good. I mean, mixing the light refreshing flavor of lemonade with strong alcohol has been done many times before with great results. Mike's Harder Lemonade is 8% alcohol, and still tastes refreshing. Smirnoff and many others have also made a lemonade alcohol drink with tasty results. So I pictured this new flavor to top all the rest of the Four Lokos I have tried in the past. Knowing the stregnth of Four's products with that awesome flavor should be unstoppable.

Not the case. Where others used malt to alcohol-ize lemonade, Four added over-sweetened lemon extract to powerful and nasty malt liquor - making a sloppy cheap beer that tasted like you dumped dumped 6 or 7 tablespoons of Country Time Lemonade powder to it - and you pretty much have the result. From the second the overpowering flavor of crap beer hits your mouth and assaults your tongue, You know the end result. If you really want to enjoy a caffeinated alcoholic lemonade, I suggest getting some Fein, 5150 juice, Hijinks, or another caffeine mixer and dumping it into something one of the many alcoholic lemonades out there that tastes better.

It's not that the flavor is bad for 12% caffeinated malt liquor. It is bad for a lemonade. It is bad for a beer. But, malt liquor itself is not something which people savor. After all, the most respectable form of drink packaging comes from the liquor store it came it - the brown paper bag.

Malt Liquors differ than beers because the fermetation process is different, and there is usually more sugar or corn in it, so the flavor is sweeter and the alcohol content is higher. Not that I am hating on malk liquor. In fact, I would rather drink a Mickeys over ANY American Lager (even ones that one blue ribbons). But like some Malt Liquors can be good, some can be downright nasty. Once you get through half the can of Four Lemonade by pouring it past your taste buds, you really don't care anymore, but there has got to be a better way to get your buzzy drunk on than slamming 24 ounces of this swill.

I am pretty sure the amount of caffeine in Four Loko Lemonade is akin to drinking a soda. Sure, you might feel a little more perky after downing 2 of these, but don't expect to actually get a real caffeine buzz. Of course by two cans of 12% malt liquor, you are going to be shitfaced enough to not really give a damn about whether or not you can feel the effects of the caffeine. Getting one big tall boy can down is easy enough to do if it is cold and you want to get stupid drunk, but two cans proves to be a challenge for all but the dedicated partier. While you might stay awake after drinking down this can, I am not sure you want to be conscious for the Bad Beer Sugar Hangover which is just around the corner.

Of course there is no listing of how much caffeine is in a can, and the same goes for the taurine and ginseng they list as ingredients too - the same of every caffeinated alcohol drink. My guess is that is not legally allowed, but even a "about as much as a glass of..." would give you something to go off of.

Like the other malt liquors on the shelf, this comes in a big-ass 24 ounce tall boy can. It is in every way an energy drink, and in every way a malt liquor. It states in about a dozen places that this is a High Alcohol drink and also has caffeine - so any clerks getting busted for selling this to minors thinking it is a Monster deserves it completely.

The can is also colorfully in camo grey and yellow, so don't set this down near a urinal or near dandelions because you might not be able to find your can again - especially if you are already deep into drinking them. All in all, this is a great look for the lemonade, and a great look for Four in general.


1 comment:

  1. I love these. Such a cheap way to get drunk. I have only had one flavor so far and it knocked me on my ass!